How To Actually Have An Orgasm (Every Time)

I learned that most women had never experienced orgasm, which makes me want to jump off a cliff and land on a bed of sharp vibrators. Orgasms are easy to achieve, and you can learn to cultivate them. Some women have orgasms, but they do not know. Some women do not experience orgasm in that they do not feel the contraction of muscles in their pelvic floor. They have however reached a peak of arousal after which they feel relaxed and satisfied, the same feelings experienced by other women after orgasm. 

Before we get all steamy and hot, a little lesson in anatomy can help a lot. A woman’s orgasm is more likely to occur form clitoral stimulation since it’s full of nerve endings and highly sensitive. In contrast, the vaginal walls contain fewer nerve endings. Only the lower part of the vagina has enough nerve endings to be stimulated by a penis, sex toy or other objects. This makes it relatively hard to achieve orgasms from vaginal penetration only. As a matter of fact, the clitoris is perfectly placed. Pressing and touching a woman’s clitoris, directly or indirectly, will greatly increase a woman’s orgasm potential.

Misconceptions on female orgasms

It’s not the length of the penetration that allows women to achieve orgasm. Moreover, penetration is not the only form of sex that can cause orgasms. Three out of four women require a direct stimulation of their clitoris, through oral sex or masturbation in order to have an orgasm. Some women should have breast stimulation: it facilitates production of oxytocin, a hormone which in turn causes contraction of muscles of the uterus.

How you can achieve an intense orgasm

Here are a few tips for you and your partner to have a more intense and pleasurable sexual experience:

Explore with some cunnilingus.

Sometimes, you may be ready for intercourse immediately. Other times, you may first want your partner to kiss, rub, touch and lick your clitoris and vulva using his mouth, hands or penis. Some women can achieve orgasms directly through oral sex because of its direct focus on the clitoris. The orgasm can be quite intense if your guy stimulates you in the right way. To achieve an orgasm through cunnilingus, your man should lick the outside edge of your outer vaginal lips from the bottom to the top of your pussy with long strokes. He should then move inward and lick each vaginal lip, tracing it to the bottom of your clitoris. He should then move further inward and lick between the inner and outer lips, tracing it to the clitoris. He can then press his mouth over your pussy and swirl the tip of his tongue over your clitoris. This will drive you crazy and make you cum in a few minutes.

Use a lubricant.

Lubricants make a woman’s genitals more sensitive, thus helps in causing orgasms. For women who experience post-menopausal dryness of the vagina, sex might be quite uncomfortable without lubrication. The most used lube is saliva since its wet, free and available in plenty. You can also try commercial lubricants since they’re safe, slippery and inexpensive.

Make him delay his orgasm and make the sex last longer.

Encourage him to spend time on foreplay and make sure that sex lasts longer.  Alternate oral sex and intercourse. If he’s really close to orgasm, give him a blowjob.  When you alternate penetration with oral sex and hand jobs, his penis will be less sensitive and he will last longer. You can also delay ejaculation by squeezing the base of his penis firmly for a few seconds. For women, it usually takes longer to have orgasms thus your man should last longer if you want to achieve an orgasm through penetration.

Masturbate while he penetrates you.

Also try to masturbate while he penetrates you, or ask him to do: guide him by placing his hands on yours.  If your vaginal lubrication is not enough, this does not necessarily mean you don ‘ are not excited enough. Fatigue, stress or phase of the menstrual cycle may also explain this phenomenon: why not use a lubricant gel. You masturbate more often, it increases sexual appetite. Ask your partner to rub, caress and touch your clitoris with his fingers. This can be before, during, or after sexual intercourse. You can try using your own fingers during sex to press the spots that make you go crazy. You can also guide him by placing your fingers on his and guiding them to the spots you like. As he thrusts you while rubbing your clitoris, you might achieve an orgasm sooner than you can imagine.

Recommended orgasm-producing positions.

The woman-on-top position is greatly recommended for clitoral stimulation as compared to the missionary position. While on top, you can have better control over the rhythm, stimulation and pace. You can adjust your hips to reach his pubic bone. He can also penetrate you from behind in the doggy position. In this position, he can reach for your clitoris and caress it as he thrusts. This will increase the chances of you having an orgasm. Get creative! Certain positions will make you feel better than others.

Take a vibrator to the bed.

After doing all the above, some women may still have trouble reaching orgasms. They will require intense stimulation that only vibrators can provide. Few couples use vibrators during sex since men fear being “replaced” Your man should realize that tools don’t replace carpenters. Tools get the job done in more efficient ways. In this regard, vibrators can’t cuddle, kiss, love or make women laugh. They are made for only one purpose: help women achieve orgasms effectively. You can use this tool either when you’re by yourself or during sex with your guy. To achieve intense orgasms, your guy can kiss you while he’s slowly pushing the vibrator into your vagina. He can also caress your breasts and suck the nipples as the vibrator is doing its job. This will set the stage for intense orgasms that will leave you moaning and shaking.

Let me know how it goes.

Your friend,

Tanya J.

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